Love is a crazy thing. Ever changing, ever growing... stronger and stronger.

Oh, the places you'll go

Ah, it's been more than two months since I've posted. I've deleted my fb, twitter, and foursquare so I can live my life "off-the-grid." I was feeling a little overexposed and some things are meant to be private.

Well, I've been out and about and EXTREMELY busy,

but here are a few little high-points from the summer.

Karaoke with the ever-lovely LJDV

Off to dinner at Georgio Baldi 

I had to...

Sister love when I flew to the East Coast for Mini's Birthday and Mother's Day

Working a Malibu Cigar Lounge Event

Impromptu trip South ended @ Fluxx in San Diego

Meeting new friends in NYC @ Greenhouse - <3Dez

Dinner in Venice for a friend's birthday

Brentwood love with my Kiki-boo

Fundraiser in Malibu with Tay and K8Trying out the Kelly Kapowski look for a Sunlife Organics run with Jim
Climbing on cars in Beverly Hills
Night out with these lovely ladies
Roxbury night with EG and other Pepp peeps.

Till next time...

Guess who's home?

One week & so much to do!

You're weighed down, You're full of something.

“I am the immeasurable potential

of all that was, is, & will be,

& my desires are like seeds left in the ground:

they wait for the right season

& then spontaneously manifest

into beautiful flowers & mighty trees,

into enchanted gardens & majestic forests.”

Scar

I know you’re trying to forget

But between the drinks and subtle things

The holes in my apologies, you know

I’m trying hard to take it back

So if by the time the bar closes

And you feel like falling down

I’ll carry you home

. t o n i g h t .

It's kind of hard to explain...

36 hours in Vegas.

Not a minute more, not a minute less.

crashboom

Me + Lara = Mexico City Magnet

thanks oswaldo

I know I don't drink anymore...

but this weekend is the closest I've gotten to it.

Long weekend spent in Jersey brought smiles, tears, uncontrollable laughter and maybe, just maybe, a little anxiety.

Of course I kicked the trip off in typical Lo fashion...

I ran around the day before accomplishing everything BUT packing.

Here are a few of the little teengs I did...

Drove to Echo Park to look for Hannah's lost keys. They happened to be in the possession of an asian homeless lady. We bartered $5 and a lighter for the keys and then hung out with some dudes I had enlisted to provide security while I looked for the keys...the area was a little questionable so protection was needed, trust me.

This is their sweet little pup, Miss Captain Morgan.

We then embarked on a 20-something mish. If you don't know what that means, don't worry about it. To refuel, we stopped at at Joan's on Third and I met my soulmate, dreamboat, obsession, father of my future children and my imaginary husband... alexander skarsgard.

Hannah marched up to him and announced that I was "having a lightweight nervous breakdown" and needed a picture with him. So tall, so sexy, so delicious...

I'm having a headband moment... Give me a quarter..i LOVE quarters.

My lovely bff Rachel - Going strong for 10+ years!

Causing a ruckus with Jason. Always fun but I need a few days to recover..

I'll try to post more pictures but for now, it's back to the grind.

new day

Took this from my FB... thought I would share it here too...

"Amazing class at Malibu Sun Yoga this morning.

I flowed so easily through a pose I've struggled with...I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought, I am so strong, powerful, beautiful and full of life. Thank you, Lord, for this body and soul you have blessed me with and for the opportunity to change the course of my life with each new day. "

"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts." _Eleanor Roosevelt

Yea, this is happening.

I bought a book that is honestly rocking my world.

While I can't go back and change the things I've fucked up,

I now know what I need to do to change the course of my life.

I've been feeling horrendous amount of regret lately, and even when I get a second chance to fix it...

I make the SAME FUCKING MISTAKE.

Shame on me for not demanding respect and putting myself first. This, my friends, will absolutely never happen again. It's bullshit that it happened in the first place but, hey, you live and you learn. It's amazing to me that there are people out there that incessantly complain about not finding someone and only finding girls that want money, fame, blah blah blah... yet they treat the self-sufficient ones like they're complete assholes.

And I'm thinking to myself
I gotta make a big decision today and I hope I choose a better tomorrow
Rather then a better yesterday
Seasons change
And you grow a little older
Nothing stays the same
The past becomes the future

Let me come HOME.

Friday at 7am I'll be boarding yet another Virgin America flight from LAX to JFK.

I'm not sure exactly how I feel about going back. I'm nervous, happy, anxious, excited...

The past 2 weeks have proven to be the most trying of my life, and for me to say that is a pretty big deal. I've had exams, an impossible work schedule, dating drama and my divorce was final a week ago. Shocking changes but these things were inevitable. I've been filling the free time that I do have with lots of yoga, baths and movies. I need lots of R & R lately and have been enjoying just hanging out, ordering in and watching movie after movie after movie.

Oh, and I've developed quite the frozen yogurt addiction :x

Okay, bed time for me. I have a long week of work ahead of me before I leave...

xx

Going into hiding..

too much noise.

lovely little song...

I've never known tears like these before.
Stinging my face like a pepper spray.
Can't stop the flow it's a waterfall.
The current takes and I start to wash away.

I could drown if I stay here.
I could drown in my own tears.
So I'll float away on my box of souvenirs.
And I will wave goodbye my dear.

We never knew how to row our boat.
Spinning around so unevenly.
Soaking me through with your every stroke.
Until we found we were drifting hopelessly.

I could drown if I stay here.
I could drown in my own tears.
So I'll float away on my box of souvenirs.
And I will wave goodbye my dear.

Tonight was definitely a night to remember.

Three people, all from different walks of life.

We had all been at the same horrifying low and despite any and everything,

we are the HAPPIEST people around.

"Each one has to find his peace from within.

And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances"

Mahatma Gandhi

in awe

it's amazing the way things happen.. begin, continue, end.

The past year has caused such an awesome change within me and my comfort with myself, by myself.

While I may stumble and turn my criticism inward, I hear (on an almost constant basis) that I am the happiest person they've met. I smile, I laugh, I joke, I just enjoy my damn life.

Despite anything and everything that has happened, I am thankful to wake up every day and live this amazing life. I see things, hear things and do things that people could only dream of and I am surrounded by constant inspiration.

So here's to loving, crying, laughing & living the life that God intended us to live.

So beautiful and so thankful.

oh, when it rains it pours.

but sometimes, that's a welcome storm.

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go



There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise Id drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm ok
sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day


You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in

i will always love you, Noah. You taught me so much.

<3

My Week

The past week has been completely packed with the loveliest of things.

One, in particular took the cake.

I'm definitely in love with the weather here.

81 degrees in January/February? I'll take it.

I did my fair share of lounging on various Malibu beaches

and went to a pretty amazing beach party. Relaxxxxx.

I had the most delicious cappuccino that my taste buds have ever had the pleasure of tasting.

Oh, and it was the size of my head. Make it a double!

I also spent some time with my lovely ladies Corina and Kiki.

The East Coast was in full force and let's just say our nights are like Vegas..

What happens there, stays there.

Oh and now for the grand, amazing, perfect, showstopper.

LOOK WHO SURPRISED ME!!!

.

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.

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.

.

I had been running on and off for a few hours to work off the anxiety and frustration that had been dogging me.

The run on the beach from Santa Monica to Venice is the best therapy.

When I finally looked at my phone and called Alex back, he said ever so simply,

"Lauuuuuren, would you like to hang out tonight?" (the usual question)

To which I responded, "Yes. Come on over and pick me up." (the usual response)

and he said "Okay, I'm in Westwood..I'll be there soon."

CUE absolute hysterical crying.

A year has gone by and we are still more comfortable with each other than I thought humanly possible.

Here's to making a year and 3000 miles seem like mere ant-hills.

A letter to the man I love

I will never forget the exact MOMENT that I knew I loved you.

Burned into my brain are the sights, sounds, the feeling of your hand as you placed it on my shoulder. You asked me what was wrong and I just wanted to cry right then and there.

You had me,

you had every piece of me

& that quiet weekday night was the night that changed me forever.

A Week in Review

January in SoCal can be a leeetle confusing.

It's a bit of a weather mid-life crisis.

It's cold, it's hot, it's raining, there are gale-force winds.

On the UPSIDE, I got to wear my goolashes that I love ohsomuch.

I continued to wear them right up until I changed into stilettos to meet Jason at Katsuya. Heyyyyy NYC buddy!

Jason & Me at Katsuya. No, we didn't plan the matching outfits.

I had the most BOMB blue fin toro sashimi at Katsuya Brentwood.

Then I had my lovely date with my "girlfriend" Kiki the next day @ HillStone in Santa Monica.

We left dinner with the intention of going to Bar Chloe for some drinks.

(Well, I''m still on my cleanse, so one sparkling water for me!)

Some crazy homeless lady started following us and saying she gave birth to us and that she was moving to Broadway.

Oh, and she tried to show us a picture of her "other daughter" and pulled a cd out of a duffle bag.

Creeep.

So, we ducked into UO and tried on some dressies.

Perfect for me because I have a fabulous event coming up and I want to look pretty :)

I felt like a Dr Seuss character in this one. Uh, NO.

This one is IT! La La La

We finally made it to Bar Chloe.

Had some drinks and planned our "party" that we'd be throwing there.

Kiki: "But Lo, who would we invite? Can it be open to the public?"

The usual car-picture I take to document that I showered and did my hair.

Oh, and to show my mama that I ALWAYS wear my seatbelt!

"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face...we must do that which we think we cannot.

Eleanor Roosevelt

ohhhh.. & guess who will be in a recording studio verrrrry soon? Moi!

Crazy excited and crazy nervous :)

Make It Rain

..great friends in high places..

little bit. little bit.

adhered by souls

broken, crying, waiting

memories slip, drop to nothing

to feel your warmth, more than anything I desire

to feel your skin against mine

your hand to hold me, dry my eyes

resigned to nothing,

a missed chance of fate

and it will be, and it will be

1.21.12

You Gorgeous Little Thing, you.

Well, Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I'm kind of anxious to see what it brings. I'm going to be honest, I haven't been the biggest fan of the holiday but last year I spent it with someone whose conversation and influence in my life is irreplaceable. While it was a bumpy road that took us there, we had an amazing night, and made memories that we hold so very close to our hearts.

I've been a bizzy bee putting together potential outfits based on what I'll be doing.. check it, lovelies.

Eye Opener

This is my lover, best friend + sex object.

This little bitty is my go-to before a hike.

I've been on an exorbitant amount of hikes as of late, but I can't say it's hurting me.
A little caffeine, a few hours in nature, solitude... it is the best medicine for the soul.

There is a little hike that I took down one of the canyons in 2010 and I hope to do it again.

There's a little spot where you can just lay out, against rocks that soak in the California sun

and you can just write and think and write and cry... I must fit that one into my schedule soon.

I need some more ME time. I've started a whole new lifestyle this year...

Let's drive through the countryside, leave behind some green eyed lookalikes.

So no one gets worried, no.

Free Falling.

Today is the first time I've turned on my computer in days. Shocking, I know. I've finally found what I need in life to pull me away from this screen that hold my attention for hours on end. I've found things and people that feed my soul and heal me. While I'd love to be able to share endless pictures of the things of done and the people I spend my time with, I have only these few. I've adopted the habit of leaving my phone in the car-no longer do I have an extra appendage known as the IPhone.

I protested with Athena to save the Malibu Lagoon on Wednesday. I chatted with the Malibu Times and other reporters and tried to convey the message and facts about this fast approaching tragedy. The passion that Athena and her counterparts exhibit is inspiring!

Athena took me out to lunch at a little hideaway cafe in Malibu to thank me for helping at the protest against the bulldozing of the Malibu Lagoon. The salad and calamari were absolutely out of this world... but nothing beats the conversation I have with this girl. She is amazing.

Um, yea. I'm with the band. I love that Kaya is smiling and I'm doing the OhSoOriginal peace sign.

Kaya rocks.

First night of the "social club" Ori and I came up with one day when he was at Bui.

I went with him and a few of his friends to see my coworker Kaya perform with his band The Neighbors. Amazing night...I won a few games of pool and looked super professional and cool UNTIL I scratched on the 8-ball and lost the game. Sorry again, Ori.

After the band finished, I tried to pull my usual "OMGLETSTAKEAPICTURE!" routine and Ori promptly grabbed my phone and photo-attacked me.These are my friends Bita, Michelle and Jim. We spent most of Friday afternoon lounging on Zuma Beach and talking about who we're going to marry, yes, Jim partook. If anything, he and Michelle were the MOST sure about who they were going to end up with. Me? I'm kind of just floating along, figuring it out as I go....THIS GIRL is truly astonishing. I am beyond thankful that a mutual friend introduced me to Kiki because she rocks my world. We have more fun than you can imagine. Sleepover friday, shopping all day Saturday, then what we could only label as an "interesting night" on Saturday night. People watching with Kiki is the best. And God knows we love our "Tiff D." Gahhh.

I shall call this: "Barefaced and baring my soul"

Monday I went for a hike with a wonderful person who shall remain nameless. People have been a little too inquisitive about my life as of late and some things are better left unsaid.

During our twelve and a half mile hike (yes, 12 miles) we talked about absolutely everything. From raising children to the indescribable pain that comes with a marriage that is slowly disintegrating and the self-loathing that comes with a dissolution of a relationship, especially when it ends on such a painful, heart-wrenching note.

It was so therapeutic. We broke off of the single track lane and pushed through brush and dirt and climbed the gorgeous mountain that backed up to the Pacific Coastline.

At one point I felt a sharp pain and looked down and saw that a small trickle of blood was running down my leg. I kept going and finally reached the precipice and we slowly descended the mountain. The strength I felt at the end of that hike was indescribable. I said to myself "I am strong, I am capable of anything and deserving of whatever I damn well please." Curling up on the couch and watching a movie that night, I just smiled to myself and thought...

I'm okay.

I still sleep next to my computer...