Yea, this is happening.

I bought a book that is honestly rocking my world.

While I can't go back and change the things I've fucked up,

I now know what I need to do to change the course of my life.

I've been feeling horrendous amount of regret lately, and even when I get a second chance to fix it...

I make the SAME FUCKING MISTAKE.

Shame on me for not demanding respect and putting myself first. This, my friends, will absolutely never happen again. It's bullshit that it happened in the first place but, hey, you live and you learn. It's amazing to me that there are people out there that incessantly complain about not finding someone and only finding girls that want money, fame, blah blah blah... yet they treat the self-sufficient ones like they're complete assholes.

And I'm thinking to myself
I gotta make a big decision today and I hope I choose a better tomorrow
Rather then a better yesterday
Seasons change
And you grow a little older
Nothing stays the same
The past becomes the future

Let me come HOME.

Friday at 7am I'll be boarding yet another Virgin America flight from LAX to JFK.

I'm not sure exactly how I feel about going back. I'm nervous, happy, anxious, excited...

The past 2 weeks have proven to be the most trying of my life, and for me to say that is a pretty big deal. I've had exams, an impossible work schedule, dating drama and my divorce was final a week ago. Shocking changes but these things were inevitable. I've been filling the free time that I do have with lots of yoga, baths and movies. I need lots of R & R lately and have been enjoying just hanging out, ordering in and watching movie after movie after movie.

Oh, and I've developed quite the frozen yogurt addiction :x

Okay, bed time for me. I have a long week of work ahead of me before I leave...

xx

Going into hiding..

too much noise.

lovely little song...

I've never known tears like these before.
Stinging my face like a pepper spray.
Can't stop the flow it's a waterfall.
The current takes and I start to wash away.

I could drown if I stay here.
I could drown in my own tears.
So I'll float away on my box of souvenirs.
And I will wave goodbye my dear.

We never knew how to row our boat.
Spinning around so unevenly.
Soaking me through with your every stroke.
Until we found we were drifting hopelessly.

I could drown if I stay here.
I could drown in my own tears.
So I'll float away on my box of souvenirs.
And I will wave goodbye my dear.

Tonight was definitely a night to remember.

Three people, all from different walks of life.

We had all been at the same horrifying low and despite any and everything,

we are the HAPPIEST people around.

"Each one has to find his peace from within.

And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances"

Mahatma Gandhi

in awe

it's amazing the way things happen.. begin, continue, end.

The past year has caused such an awesome change within me and my comfort with myself, by myself.

While I may stumble and turn my criticism inward, I hear (on an almost constant basis) that I am the happiest person they've met. I smile, I laugh, I joke, I just enjoy my damn life.

Despite anything and everything that has happened, I am thankful to wake up every day and live this amazing life. I see things, hear things and do things that people could only dream of and I am surrounded by constant inspiration.

So here's to loving, crying, laughing & living the life that God intended us to live.

So beautiful and so thankful.

oh, when it rains it pours.

but sometimes, that's a welcome storm.

Every time I look at you the world just melts away
All my troubles all my fears dissolve in your affections
You've seen me at my weakest but you take me as I am
And when I fall you offer me a softer place to land

You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in
You're all the things that I desire you save me you complete me
You're the one true thing I know I can believe

I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
No matter what I say or do 'cause you're too good to fight about it
Even when I have to push just to see how far you'll go
You won't stoop down to battle but you never turn to go



There are times I can't decide when I can't tell up from down
You make me feel less crazy when otherwise Id drown
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I'm ok
sometimes that's just what we need to get us through the day


You stay the course you hold the line you keep it all together
You're the one true thing I know I can believe in

i will always love you, Noah. You taught me so much.

<3

My Week

The past week has been completely packed with the loveliest of things.

One, in particular took the cake.

I'm definitely in love with the weather here.

81 degrees in January/February? I'll take it.

I did my fair share of lounging on various Malibu beaches

and went to a pretty amazing beach party. Relaxxxxx.

I had the most delicious cappuccino that my taste buds have ever had the pleasure of tasting.

Oh, and it was the size of my head. Make it a double!

I also spent some time with my lovely ladies Corina and Kiki.

The East Coast was in full force and let's just say our nights are like Vegas..

What happens there, stays there.

Oh and now for the grand, amazing, perfect, showstopper.

LOOK WHO SURPRISED ME!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I had been running on and off for a few hours to work off the anxiety and frustration that had been dogging me.

The run on the beach from Santa Monica to Venice is the best therapy.

When I finally looked at my phone and called Alex back, he said ever so simply,

"Lauuuuuren, would you like to hang out tonight?" (the usual question)

To which I responded, "Yes. Come on over and pick me up." (the usual response)

and he said "Okay, I'm in Westwood..I'll be there soon."

CUE absolute hysterical crying.

A year has gone by and we are still more comfortable with each other than I thought humanly possible.

Here's to making a year and 3000 miles seem like mere ant-hills.