Yea, this is happening.

I bought a book that is honestly rocking my world.

While I can't go back and change the things I've fucked up,

I now know what I need to do to change the course of my life.

I've been feeling horrendous amount of regret lately, and even when I get a second chance to fix it...

I make the SAME FUCKING MISTAKE.

Shame on me for not demanding respect and putting myself first. This, my friends, will absolutely never happen again. It's bullshit that it happened in the first place but, hey, you live and you learn. It's amazing to me that there are people out there that incessantly complain about not finding someone and only finding girls that want money, fame, blah blah blah... yet they treat the self-sufficient ones like they're complete assholes.

And I'm thinking to myself
I gotta make a big decision today and I hope I choose a better tomorrow
Rather then a better yesterday
Seasons change
And you grow a little older
Nothing stays the same
The past becomes the future

Let me come HOME.

Friday at 7am I'll be boarding yet another Virgin America flight from LAX to JFK.

I'm not sure exactly how I feel about going back. I'm nervous, happy, anxious, excited...

The past 2 weeks have proven to be the most trying of my life, and for me to say that is a pretty big deal. I've had exams, an impossible work schedule, dating drama and my divorce was final a week ago. Shocking changes but these things were inevitable. I've been filling the free time that I do have with lots of yoga, baths and movies. I need lots of R & R lately and have been enjoying just hanging out, ordering in and watching movie after movie after movie.

Oh, and I've developed quite the frozen yogurt addiction :x

Okay, bed time for me. I have a long week of work ahead of me before I leave...

xx

Going into hiding..

too much noise.

lovely little song...

I've never known tears like these before.
Stinging my face like a pepper spray.
Can't stop the flow it's a waterfall.
The current takes and I start to wash away.

I could drown if I stay here.
I could drown in my own tears.
So I'll float away on my box of souvenirs.
And I will wave goodbye my dear.

We never knew how to row our boat.
Spinning around so unevenly.
Soaking me through with your every stroke.
Until we found we were drifting hopelessly.

I could drown if I stay here.
I could drown in my own tears.
So I'll float away on my box of souvenirs.
And I will wave goodbye my dear.

Tonight was definitely a night to remember.

Three people, all from different walks of life.

We had all been at the same horrifying low and despite any and everything,

we are the HAPPIEST people around.

"Each one has to find his peace from within.

And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances"

Mahatma Gandhi

in awe

it's amazing the way things happen.. begin, continue, end.

The past year has caused such an awesome change within me and my comfort with myself, by myself.

While I may stumble and turn my criticism inward, I hear (on an almost constant basis) that I am the happiest person they've met. I smile, I laugh, I joke, I just enjoy my damn life.

Despite anything and everything that has happened, I am thankful to wake up every day and live this amazing life. I see things, hear things and do things that people could only dream of and I am surrounded by constant inspiration.

So here's to loving, crying, laughing & living the life that God intended us to live.

So beautiful and so thankful.

oh, when it rains it pours.

but sometimes, that's a welcome storm.