A letter to the man I love

I will never forget the exact MOMENT that I knew I loved you.

Burned into my brain are the sights, sounds, the feeling of your hand as you placed it on my shoulder. You asked me what was wrong and I just wanted to cry right then and there.

You had me,

you had every piece of me

& that quiet weekday night was the night that changed me forever.

A Week in Review

January in SoCal can be a leeetle confusing.

It's a bit of a weather mid-life crisis.

It's cold, it's hot, it's raining, there are gale-force winds.

On the UPSIDE, I got to wear my goolashes that I love ohsomuch.

I continued to wear them right up until I changed into stilettos to meet Jason at Katsuya. Heyyyyy NYC buddy!

Jason & Me at Katsuya. No, we didn't plan the matching outfits.

I had the most BOMB blue fin toro sashimi at Katsuya Brentwood.

Then I had my lovely date with my "girlfriend" Kiki the next day @ HillStone in Santa Monica.

We left dinner with the intention of going to Bar Chloe for some drinks.

(Well, I''m still on my cleanse, so one sparkling water for me!)

Some crazy homeless lady started following us and saying she gave birth to us and that she was moving to Broadway.

Oh, and she tried to show us a picture of her "other daughter" and pulled a cd out of a duffle bag.

Creeep.

So, we ducked into UO and tried on some dressies.

Perfect for me because I have a fabulous event coming up and I want to look pretty :)

I felt like a Dr Seuss character in this one. Uh, NO.

This one is IT! La La La

We finally made it to Bar Chloe.

Had some drinks and planned our "party" that we'd be throwing there.

Kiki: "But Lo, who would we invite? Can it be open to the public?"

The usual car-picture I take to document that I showered and did my hair.

Oh, and to show my mama that I ALWAYS wear my seatbelt!

"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face...we must do that which we think we cannot.

Eleanor Roosevelt

ohhhh.. & guess who will be in a recording studio verrrrry soon? Moi!

Crazy excited and crazy nervous :)

Make It Rain

..great friends in high places..

little bit. little bit.

adhered by souls

broken, crying, waiting

memories slip, drop to nothing

to feel your warmth, more than anything I desire

to feel your skin against mine

your hand to hold me, dry my eyes

resigned to nothing,

a missed chance of fate

and it will be, and it will be

1.21.12

You Gorgeous Little Thing, you.

Well, Valentine's Day is fast approaching and I'm kind of anxious to see what it brings. I'm going to be honest, I haven't been the biggest fan of the holiday but last year I spent it with someone whose conversation and influence in my life is irreplaceable. While it was a bumpy road that took us there, we had an amazing night, and made memories that we hold so very close to our hearts.

I've been a bizzy bee putting together potential outfits based on what I'll be doing.. check it, lovelies.

Eye Opener

This is my lover, best friend + sex object.

This little bitty is my go-to before a hike.

I've been on an exorbitant amount of hikes as of late, but I can't say it's hurting me.
A little caffeine, a few hours in nature, solitude... it is the best medicine for the soul.

There is a little hike that I took down one of the canyons in 2010 and I hope to do it again.

There's a little spot where you can just lay out, against rocks that soak in the California sun

and you can just write and think and write and cry... I must fit that one into my schedule soon.

I need some more ME time. I've started a whole new lifestyle this year...

Let's drive through the countryside, leave behind some green eyed lookalikes.

So no one gets worried, no.

Free Falling.

Today is the first time I've turned on my computer in days. Shocking, I know. I've finally found what I need in life to pull me away from this screen that hold my attention for hours on end. I've found things and people that feed my soul and heal me. While I'd love to be able to share endless pictures of the things of done and the people I spend my time with, I have only these few. I've adopted the habit of leaving my phone in the car-no longer do I have an extra appendage known as the IPhone.

I protested with Athena to save the Malibu Lagoon on Wednesday. I chatted with the Malibu Times and other reporters and tried to convey the message and facts about this fast approaching tragedy. The passion that Athena and her counterparts exhibit is inspiring!

Athena took me out to lunch at a little hideaway cafe in Malibu to thank me for helping at the protest against the bulldozing of the Malibu Lagoon. The salad and calamari were absolutely out of this world... but nothing beats the conversation I have with this girl. She is amazing.

Um, yea. I'm with the band. I love that Kaya is smiling and I'm doing the OhSoOriginal peace sign.

Kaya rocks.

First night of the "social club" Ori and I came up with one day when he was at Bui.

I went with him and a few of his friends to see my coworker Kaya perform with his band The Neighbors. Amazing night...I won a few games of pool and looked super professional and cool UNTIL I scratched on the 8-ball and lost the game. Sorry again, Ori.

After the band finished, I tried to pull my usual "OMGLETSTAKEAPICTURE!" routine and Ori promptly grabbed my phone and photo-attacked me.These are my friends Bita, Michelle and Jim. We spent most of Friday afternoon lounging on Zuma Beach and talking about who we're going to marry, yes, Jim partook. If anything, he and Michelle were the MOST sure about who they were going to end up with. Me? I'm kind of just floating along, figuring it out as I go....THIS GIRL is truly astonishing. I am beyond thankful that a mutual friend introduced me to Kiki because she rocks my world. We have more fun than you can imagine. Sleepover friday, shopping all day Saturday, then what we could only label as an "interesting night" on Saturday night. People watching with Kiki is the best. And God knows we love our "Tiff D." Gahhh.

I shall call this: "Barefaced and baring my soul"

Monday I went for a hike with a wonderful person who shall remain nameless. People have been a little too inquisitive about my life as of late and some things are better left unsaid.

During our twelve and a half mile hike (yes, 12 miles) we talked about absolutely everything. From raising children to the indescribable pain that comes with a marriage that is slowly disintegrating and the self-loathing that comes with a dissolution of a relationship, especially when it ends on such a painful, heart-wrenching note.

It was so therapeutic. We broke off of the single track lane and pushed through brush and dirt and climbed the gorgeous mountain that backed up to the Pacific Coastline.

At one point I felt a sharp pain and looked down and saw that a small trickle of blood was running down my leg. I kept going and finally reached the precipice and we slowly descended the mountain. The strength I felt at the end of that hike was indescribable. I said to myself "I am strong, I am capable of anything and deserving of whatever I damn well please." Curling up on the couch and watching a movie that night, I just smiled to myself and thought...

I'm okay.

I still sleep next to my computer...

Sleepless in SoCal

I've come to realize that it's probably more of a "once in a lifetime" thing...

There's nothing more romantic than someone saying...

i want you, I need you, I love you...

and nothing will keep me from you.

on my way up north
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you

things you said that day
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
i tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
you said that-
you'd take it
as long as i could
i could not erase it.

"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and perhaps listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could." -Louise Erdrich

via the ever lovely blog The C-Word

Yea, I'm trying to make strides. Malibu is a bit of a lonely place. I can't even begin to describe the various conversations I've had with people about the exorbitant amount of "alone time" they have. It's a place where you can pretty get what you want when you want it... but there are so many solitary souls roaming around here.

I've been taking it all in.

Writing, running, hiking & singing. (yes, I've suddenly taken up music again.)

I've been taking in the beauty of Malibu and its surrounding areas every single day. If I have so much as a few free hours, I'm throwing on my sneakers and getting outside. It's amazing and so freeing.

Stealing lemons and clementines from Hannah's yard post-hikeTopanga CanyonTrancas NurseryMalibu Dune Cleanup <3

It's funny how things come full circle.

Maybe I can divulge a little more in the future but

I have some serious decisions to make...and SOON.

Oh... boy....

Even after all this time

The Sun has never told the Earth

“You owe me.”

Look what happens with a love like that,

it lights the whole sky.

_Hafiz_

down in flames

"Every occasion I'm ready for the funeral

At every occasion one brilliant day funeral."

It's been a rough week....hell, month.

But despite the glaring negatives and stress I've endured, I've experienced the most amazing beauty in the past few weeks. I'm talking awe-inspiring, jaw-dropping, can't-believe-it-with-your-own-eyes beauty. While I know that pictures could never do these things justice, here is my dismal attempt at giving you a little piece of my heaven:

bright lights in nyc
the most gorgeous hike off Sunset
a hike and clean-up of the Malibu dunes

to come: my resolution list, better late than never.

down in flames

It's been a rough week....hell, month.